Shopping and Smiling

Shops attract huge crowds. There are lots of funny going-ons among the shoppers .
Here are some of them:

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again.
As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line...
"That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"

"Keep calm, Monika "
In the supermarket was a woman pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing girl. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies.
When the woman told her she couldn't have any cookies, the girl began to cry.
The woman kept repeating softly: "Don't get excited Monika, don't scream Monika, don't be upset Monika, don't yell Monika, keep calm Monika."
A woman standing next to her said: "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica!"
The mother replied: "I'm Monica!”

"Marian, Marian!"
A six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically: "Marian, Marian!"
Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her: "You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother"
"I know," said the child, "but the store is full of mothers."

Insecurity complex.
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked:
"You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Please, can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why should I talk to you ?"
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

"Good bye, Mother!"
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around, but he ignored her and continued on.
Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
She said: "Pardon me, I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."
The young man replied: "I'm very sorry, is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes, as I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!'?
It would make me feel so much better."
The young man answered: "Sure!"
As the old woman was leaving, he called out: "Goodbye, Mother!"
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was £127.50.
"How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
The clerk answered: "Your mother said that you would pay for her!"

"Cash, check or charge?" the store cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"Do you always carry your TV remote?" the cashier asked.
"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most hurtful thing I could do to him."

Cheeky Parrot !
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird.
The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said, "Yes?"
The bird said, "You know."

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"
The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.
The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"
Again, the clerk doesn`t answer him.
The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"
And the clerk just seems to ignore him. Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.
The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "why wouldn`t you answer that guy's question?"
The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"

Notice on the mirror in a Shop Men's Changing room:
"Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end ".