Wednesday, 24 February 2010

Coming Clean .

That he told her all his heart, and said unto her, There hath not come a razor upon my head: for I have been a Nazarite unto God from my mother's womb....! Judges 16:17.

Secrets are heavy burdens which most people carry at some point in their lives .
Confession , "coming clean", is also known as , "baring one's mind or soul" ,"letting the cat out of the bag" or "airing dirty laundry in public".
"Coming clean " is the act of revealing secrets to one or more persons , or sharing our desires, fears and aspirations with others.
For some people harbouring secrets is second nature to them. They believe that their confessions are privileges from them ; reserved for God and their very close friends and lovers, ONLY.
However, with some people, no secrets , big or small , are safe!

There are various reasons for people's decision to "come clean" .
Confession of transgressions could be done voluntarily from a guilty and repentant heart.
Or people could be flattered , forced , tortured , drunk , "spaced out" , sexually seduced and aroused , tricked, cajoled, bribed or entrapped before divulging secrets.
The anonymity of technology offered by phones and the Internet has made it very easy for shy people to be bold enough to "come clean" about their shocking secrets and deep-seated sexual fantasies and " hate rages" ; using swear words cursing and ranting about anything and everything , to their hearts' content!
There are websites where people using pseudonyms can have a field day, doing these.
Also,there are 24 hours "sex-chat" or "rage" phone lines set up to make money from calls from people willing and eager to call and release the burdens of their souls about their sexual fantasies , anger , frustrations and about whatever!

One of the the most enduring and potent weapons used to extract secrets from even the most hardened secretive souls is the "Honey Pot" system.
This weapon has been used for thousands of years and it is still working till today.
The classic example of a "Honey Pot" trap is the saga of Samson and Delilah.
Even today , men both great and small have continued to fall ; to be deceived by
modern day "Delilahs" , who have done excellent jobs of extracting valuable secrets.
Satan has used such women to cause the mighty fall of several ministers of God.
"Delilahs" are being used by law enforcement agents , by the military and the Secret Service as spies to infiltrate dangerous criminal gangs and top government and military circles ,in all over the world ; with devastating effects.
The male equivalents of Delilahs are the "Cassanovas".
These are men who use their charming good looks, flaterring words and fake promises of undying love, romance and marriage to deceive old or young wealthy and prominent women into divulging secrets about their bank accounts and other valuable properties.

Whatever the reasons for them, confessions could make or mar a human being.
A burden shared is a burden halved. Some people come clean when they could no longer bear the burden and guilt of keeping their secrets.
Confessions bring relief to weary souls and could cleanse the soul and body of toxins.
Depending on their intentions , people could decide to "come clean" with honest or evil motives.
A genuine repentance and desire for forgiveness for past crimes against humanity , could prompt a full confession from an offender to their victims. This helps to mend bridges and create peace with victims of the offender's crimes .
Also, coming clean with admittance of guilt and sorrow; could be a cunning ploy to deceive and gain the forgiveness and trust of former victims; thereby re-gaining access into their victims' lives and homes to commit even worse crimes than before!
Sometimes, people could decide to parry or escape further questioning by making false confessions.
Samson did this to Delilah before finally succumbing to her wiles .
A false confession could , also be made to get respite from nagging!
Constant pressures and nagging demands from loved ones "for the truth" could be doing one's head in; to the extent of prompting a false confession!
Some jocular confessions could be expensive, painful jokes to an impressionable mind.
The answer to this child's persistent questions in the graphics below; could have been :"Okay ,okay ! You was downloaded ! And so what?
Now get out of my face!  graphic comments-Funny Cartoon
Coming clean ; apart from being an act of obedience to the Word of God, could the required elixir for relationships.
Confess your faults one to one another, and pray for one another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16.
When we bare our innermost guilt and secrets to another human being we are indicating that we trust them and wish to be trusted in return.
Also, it indicates that we wish to start or renew a relationship on a clean slate; with no deceit or secrets between us and our confidants.
However , in any case of "confessing" to any human being ,caution by Wisdom based on the Word of God, should be our guide.
Confess your faults to Man and your SINS ,to God and not to any man .
Men, however spiritual, could relate with each other on a judgemental basis, based on their information gathered from people's confessions!.
But ONLY God forgets and forgives us , absolutely.

Recently, one of my young lady friends visited me and she was very distraught!
She is one of my mentees; who I stand in prayers with concerning life partners.
Her fiancé ,who attends the same church with her, suddenly , had become very cold towards her and had stopped calling her or answering her calls and text messages! Worst still, she heard he had been saying nasty things about her to their friends.
Weeks before this, she had asked me for my counsel. This guy had been asking her to tell him "everything" about her past life history , before she became born again!
He had generously told her about his former girlfriends, how they went on holidays together, what they did in bed and how many abortions he and the girls had agreed to commit! He tried to convince her that since he had confessed his sins to her, she should do the same for him. He then quoted James 5:16.
It is very good to quote the scriptures. But it is neither good nor fair to use the Bible with cunning intentions, to manipulate people for selfish ends!
I remember warning this particular young lady NEVER to divulge her past sins to any human being. Her past sins are no body's business.
Faults and sins are not the same.
People sin against God ; not man. Only God has the power to forgive sins.
When a person confesses and repents , God forgives them and they become completely new creatures. Proverbs 28:13 ,2 Corinthians 5 : 17 -19.
Any body who cannot believe and accept this truth about you, a child of God, should be told to keep off from you. They should go away and try their bigotry stuff elsewhere! No man or woman has the right to probe and demand for a "confession" from you. Confession of sins to mere human beings for what?
There are Christians who are angry and are very bitter because they have discovered that their personal secrets which they had revealed in confidence, to some "counsellors" and "prayer-partners" in the church , are now general knowledge; in the public domain as topics for gossips, all over the place!
May God enrich us with the wisdom to know these differences and to sense the devices of the enemy to take advantage of our Faith in the Word of God. Amen.

During courtship, it is imperative that the intending couples come clean to each other about certain aspects of their lives , past and present.
The couple must not conceal facts like: if they were married , divorced , separated, or if they had children already .
But they should not go into details about their sex lives and bedroom games with their previous partners!
They should come clean if they are unemployed, under-employed or struggling financially. There must not be any lies, deceit, fake grandeur or false living.
Also,the couple must come clean if they have any hidden health challenges like sickle cell anaemia,leprosy , epilepsy, cancer, AIDS/HIV, occasional psychiatric malfunctions, male impotence or female frigidity.
These faults should not be concealed but they should be revealed and shared by the couple; so that they could pray for each other and seek counselling.
Sometimes , the couple could require counselling and prayers from ministers of their church to tackle these issues before marriage.
Some Christians cannot accept some of these faults in their future partners ; while some Christians can and do accept them. It all depends on the individual's spiritual maturity. There should be no deceits ,at all.
Engagement is marriage .
Persons who cannot accept these faults should fell free to walk away from engagements and try their search elsewhere, without wasting each other's time.
Any man who insists on knowing his proposed wife's past "sins" is up to no good.
It is the height of folly for any girl to "confess her past sins" ; especially sexual and abortion sins to a man she is planning to marry!
Most men , on hearing such confessions would take to their heels.
You would not even see their brake lights for dust!
Why ? The male psyche is different from that of females.
One of the realities of life is that: while men would expect women to accept, overlook and forgive men's sexual indiscretions; most men , including born-again Christian men; CANNOT forget, overlook or forgive the same from women.
Even after marriage, some men , still, would hold such information against their wives and keep bringing up the matter .
This attitude could cause serious problems for any couple.
In this aspect of "coming clean", some men are simply, insanely unforgiving!
Recently, a man divorced his wife because she was raped in his presence by armed robbers who decided not only to beat and rob them but also to rape his wife and their two teenage daughters!
From that day, onward, he refused to sleep with his wife !
He just could not bear the memory of the horrible incidence of his wife's rape.
This led to a lot aggression and hostility from him towards his wife.
All appeals to him and efforts from friends and families to make him see reason, fell on deaf ears. He could not give even one reason why his wife was being blamed for what happened.
After a short while, he moved out of their home and remarried.
This would tell you HOW the mind of some men work!

Some people would come clean because they desire the attention and publicity which a scandalous confession brings into their dull lives!
Certain people who have nothing exciting in their lives to attract the attention of anybody, would readily sell ANY information about their important friends , lovers or family members to the press. In order to gain publicity and high ratings for themselves.
Coming clean about plans for mass murder and suicide could be a cry for help and cry for attention from a sad ,mad and lonely alarmist. These type of sick confessions should be investigated, urgently and not dismissed as "fake".
Full confessions silence blackmailers !
By coming clean with your personal scandalous escapades to the general public, you would succeed in taking the wind off the sails of any blackmailer who was harassing you and demanding for money from you.
This effective weapon has been used by many politicians and celebrities who have been targeted by all sorts of blackmailers.
Sheer madness caused by anger and frustration is another reason for coming clean!
Criminals and partners-in-crime could throw all caution to the wind and confess long-held secrets.They have been known to come out of the blues to turn themselves in as prosecution -witnesses by confessing serious crimes carrying stiff penalties.
Such confessions are made by criminals with a desire for revenge against their gang members who have cheated them of their share of the loot from the gang's crimes .

Hell knows no fury as a woman scorned!
Aggrieved mistresses have been known to come clean with damaging details about affairs with wealthy and prominent married men.
With a strong desire to hurt their married boyfriends and their wives; these angry mistresses target the men's marriages ,careers, their incomes and reputations with the intention of pulling them down and tearing them to shreds.
Unfortunately ,these revengeful mistresses ,usually, achieve their aims.
As happened some years back ,in the case of the Pastor/General Overseer of one of the biggest churches in London( estimated membership of 3500 ), who was convicted for rape and jailed in 2003!
This highly respected minister of God had been committing adultery with several single and married women in his church , for many years.
I remember the harrowing shame and shock which EVERY Christian felt, during his well publicised trial and sentencing. Nobody believed he could fall so mightily.
All the newspapers had a field day, publishing terrible disclosures about the man of God from his several mistresses and stories about his embezzlement of church funds and lavish lifestyle.
At first he denied it all ; but eventually , he broke down and confessed everything.
I remember my sister and I watching his confession on TV as we wept bitterly!
As soon as one of these women came out , others followed suit to do more damage!
The pastor had told each of them that they were special and that he loved them only and no other woman! This lie made them very angry and willing to expose him.
One of them was so angry that she alleged that the pastor raped her in his office!
The first woman to confess said she decided to "come clean" became she was fed up and became very disgusted by his hypocrisy!
She said while he was always sleeping with her; committing adultery , he was pretending to be a good husband! She said the pastor would preach two sentences and the 3rd sentence would be about "My lovely , beautiful , wonderful wife!"
Also, she said she came clean with every detail to teach the pastor's wife a lesson!
What did the pastor's poor wife do to deserve this great scandal?
She said she was disgusted with hearing the pastor's wife, whenever she was preaching, saying: "My wonderful, handsome husband did this, did that for me or said this and that!"

When you join hands to commit and conceal sins with others you will surely be exposed ,some day. Even when people have promised you to keep your secrets secret;
they could decide any time to blackmail you or come clean with damaging revelations!
Though hand join in hand , the wicked shall not be unpunished: but the seed of the righteous shall be delivered. Proverbs 11:21.
The heaven shall reveal his iniquity and the earth shall rise up against him. Job 20:27

May God deliver us from every snare of the enemy! Amen.

Thursday, 11 February 2010

Say it : From the Heart.

It is important to express our love. It is not enough to assume that the people we love know so or should know by now , that we love them.
Of course they know you love them ; if someone loves you or doesn't ; you would know. Even babies can sense such things.
It pays to express our love because love fattens on smooth words and life's greatest happiness is to be convinced that we are loved.
Say " I love you " , in your own special way , this weekend and always.
Say it; not only with cards, flowers, poems , chocolate, cakes and assorted gifts for him and her but by being there for your loved ones.
Whatever way we express love, it should be from the heart.
Most of all , this weekend and always, don't forget to thank God for the gift of love and to thank your loved ones for loving you and being there for you.

Valentine Day celebration is universal.
A day set apart not only for lovers, but also to reach out and touch others. Others like , the extended family, friends, neighbours, the lonely, poor and the needy.
In England , Valentine Day, annually, is celebrated with fanfare . It is the climax of at least three weeks preparation.
This year , shops windows and interiors , started displaying Valentine decorations and stocks, since the last week of January.
There had been adverts offering tempting "lovers discounts"; to stir up lovers' desire to spoil each other in unique ways.
As usual , the baits from the stores were taken and lovers have been shopping, frantically and planning for the D-Day ,on Sunday.
Some London men have taken the matter so much to heart, that weeks ago , they attended booth camp( School of Seduction!).
They learnt how to improve their " toasting tactics" and how to perfect "The Art of Seduction" ! Also how to woo and catch THE woman of their dreams, before Valentine Day and learnt how to court her and make her happy.
Learning how to keep their women happy, not only on Valentine Day, but for life!
Aw ! Isn't that very sweet of them?
The one week course, costing £2,000, was the idea of a London personality coach.

A romantic day would be incomplete without music.
Music is indeed, the food of love.
At least 10 musical concerts and shows have been lined up for this Valentine weekend in major London venues.
Many churches are hosting charity outreaches this afternoon and Valentine balls tonight.Love and marriage seminars started in my church yesterday evening and will end tomorrow afternoon with the Sunday service and a "Love Feast".

Wherever you are , enjoy this weekend of love ; have a ball!.

Katherine Jenkins on MUZU

The delectable opera diva, Katherine Jenkins from Swansea, will be performing at the amazing 02 Arena , London ; on 13th March, 2010. That will be great.
On Valentine night, I am looking forward to an exciting evening of classical concert at the Cadogan Hall ; Sloane Terrace, London.
Popular Violinist , Taro Hakase, from Japan and the English Chamber Orchestra will be entertaining there and then.
Fans have been promised " an enjoyable and romantic evening". Hmmm...
Music is indispensable and highly recommended to add spice to life and to romance.
Or simply, just for the fun and sheer pleasure which music gives.
I enjoy listening to all forms of good music; but Luciano Pavarotti's rendition of the immensely popular aria , from Puccini's opera "Turandot";" Nessun Dorma", is of a legendary class, always!
Although I have listened to the music over 100 times ; it never ceases to fill me with joy and elation!
Infact , I have seen men and women in theatres where he performed; weeping like babies, for joy after listening to Pavarotti's live renditions of
"Nessun Dorma" and "Recondita armonia"!
Pavarotti is greatly missed by millions of his fans , at a time like this.
"Dilegua o notte! Tranontate, stelle! All' alba vincero!
Vincero! Vincero!"

Do have a bubbly and joy-filled weekend!

Brits and Yanks , giving Pavarotti a run for his money!

Aretha Franklin - singing "Nessun Dorma"

Michael Bolton/ Pavarotti

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

The Boot for John Terry ?

Should John Terry be sacked as England's foot ball Captain?
No. Definitely No.
Do I support adultery? No again.
Although , Sex Scandals ,wherever they erupt from, don't shock me any more because I am not naive and gullible; that does not mean I would condone infidelity.
While I would not be surprised to hear that certain persons have been caught in sexual sin , there are others who I would expect them to uphold fidelity in marriage.
Especially people under God's authority and those who have so much to lose.

John Terry is an athlete who wears the colours of England , occasionally.
He cannot make policy statements on behalf of his country.
He is not a politician , government official or a Christian clergyman who occupy positions of trust and are expected to abide by strict moral codes.
If John cheated on his wife , that is their private problem and business ; to be sorted out quietly , behind closed doors or , if the two of them so wish , as a free-for-all brawl in the full public glare!
How does his cheating on his wife affect his performance as a star footballer or his position as England Captain?
Is England a squeaky-clean country with high moral standards whose football captain must be a spotless saint or knight in shiny armour?
Since when did we start expecting high moral standards from football stars and other celebrities before we can accept and enjoy the entertainment they give us?
If a precedent is laid whereby every one who is caught in adultery is skinned , quartered and hung to dry ; who will be left standing?
Only those who are innocent and those who HAVE NOT been caught .
Let him who has no sin cast the first stone! John 8:7.

John Terry has performed his duties as a top English footballer , excellently.
Is this the first time he would cheat on his wife?
Only he knows the answer to that because up till now , he had not been found out.
Whatever. Cheating or not cheating. Who cares?
So far, we know that John Terry ,"Terry the Untouchable " , has been a star professional who has maintained a comparably dignified life-style on and off the pitch.
Although , I am not a Chelsea Fan ,Terry's composure and achievements have earned him my admiration and that of Chelsea Club management and millions of fans world wide.
His popularity and professionalism earned him the England captaincy, not his fidelity to his marital vows.
For the above reasons, millions of Britons support that he should remain as England Captain.
For all this public opinion is worth, this being England, I suspect that there will be pressures to "do what is right" and John could lose the England Captaincy.
John Terry's sponsors would also want to keep their images clean ; so he could lose millions in sponsorship deals.

Some columnists wrote that Terry "is a low-down cheat who has betrayed the trust reposed on him and he is a poor role model for the young who look up to him!"
PAW-LEA-SE! Don't make me laugh!
Betrayed whose trust? Role model to which youth?
Don't even mention it! Don't even go there!
The youths look up to him for his skills and ENTERTAINMENT which he gives them as a footballer and not as a role model.
Some of the youth in the U.K. cannot be " role-modelled" by anyone . They have a mind of their own and they are a law unto themselves!
There are stuff about sex and wild living which young persons (even as young as 8 to 12 year-old ) in this country know and engage in which would shock experienced adults like John Terry and his group of eminent friends into stunned silence !
Stuff that would make any self - styled "role model" faint from shock .

As usual , those who would laugh to the bank in this mess are the "Kiss -and-Tell Mistress", the publicist Max Clifford and the gutter press.
This further confirms that there are women who embark on a revenge mission and would derive pleasure from destroying what they cannot possess.
Women and men who have made it a lifestyle to hunt down celebrities are watching and praying for their next big catch to kiss and tell.
The press and other scavengers stand to gain a lot by fanning the flames of any sex scandal and blowing it out of proportion . The hotter the scandal , the more newspapers are sold.
Two months ago , it was all about Tiger Woods and his "transgressions" .
Last month it was the shocking sexual scandal about 60 year-old Mrs.Iris Robinson, top female politician in N.Ireland and evangelical Christian , embroiled in a love affair with a 19 year-old boy ! This scandal has derailed and wrecked her decades-old career as Member of Parliament and her husband , Peter's laudable political career as First Minister of N.Ireland! She has resigned and her husband's position is suspended

I wrote in my blog "Tiger Woods: Getting on With" on 12/12/09 that not only Tiger Woods is guilty ; but that hundreds of other celebrities and millions of " commoners" are cheating on their wives and husbands but they have succeeded in covering their tracks and have not been caught , yet.
As with every secret , there is a Day of Revelation.
Today , the heat is on John Terry .
Who next?
Would married men (and married women )learn from these and previous scandals and keep their pants up , especially when they have so much to lose?
I don't think so .

Monday, 1 February 2010

Coping With Stress

Good health is an indication of a balance in the human body .
It is a proof that the various facets of the human entity; the spirit , the soul (the mind , intellect and emotions) and the body are correctly aligned .
This balance , or harmony , is evidenced in a sense of well – being , characterised by a high–level of energy , a zest for life ( a merry heart!) with a calm confidence that no mountain is too high to climb.
Malfunction sets in when this harmony between the spirit , soul and body is upturned.

Stress and fatigue are our bodies' ways of letting us know that we are doing something which is not good for our health .
Due to the hustle and bustle of daily living , most people just go on pushing themselves ; to meet up with the rat race.
This striving causes fatigue and anxieties.
Stress is an indication that a person’s energy is being overstretched in excessive concentration on some facets of life to the detriment of others .
When there is a “pull for attention” from the different areas ,as in a tug-of-war; tautness and tension results in the body and mind .
Then stress and fatigue sets in.
Stress is a silent killer and is usually a precursor to heart and mental disorders.
Some of the unpleasant symptons of stress and fatigue are:
Depression, low self –esteem ,persistent feeling of tiredness, migraines, poor concentration , poor memory , sleeplessness, short temper and inability to perform even basic tasks which the person used to do before.
These are the mildest signs of stress in a person.
Stress- sufferers are aggressive and blame everyone for their misfortunes.
Acute stress causes alcohol dependancy, stimulants and drug abuse, schizophrenia ,high blood pressure , heart and mental disorders , suicide and even murder.
Attempting to alleviate stress by resorting to substance or drug abuse leads a person into a vicious cycle. Stress induces cravings for stimulants abuse and the latter brings on additional stress which demands for more drug abuse!

Common stress- triggers are fear, unanswered prayers, anxiety, anger, distress, helplessness, work – related pressures and even heartbreak caused by relationships break down.
Financial burdens ,losses and huge debts are challenges faced by many people, which have crippled countless lofty dreams and resulted in acute stress for millions of people.
The greater the fall in revenue, the greater the risk that the loser would suffer from acute stress.
Crime ,noise, traffic jams, bullying and receiving constant nagging and criticisms are major irritants which could bring on stress.
Other major causes of stress are guilt , failed expectations , terminal diseases and bereavement.
Stress also results from planning and executing a major event, from excessive multi-tasking and competitiveness .

A major underlining factor for stress is Envy.
There are persons who are stressed up because they do not want to see or hear of the the good-fortune of others.
Deep-seated hatred and resentment towards persons who are more successful and who possess what the stress - sufferer desires but cannot attain are destructive maladies.
Persons filled the spirits of Envy and Bitterness are some of the most unpleasant and destructive persons to live, work or socialise with.
Envy is the root of the evils of slander, witchcraft, sorcery and murder.
Inevitably, envy , bitterness and unforgiveness poison the mind and body ;they gnaw on the sufferer's guts and heart resulting in ulcers and acute hypertension .
The Holy Bible describes envy as " the rottenness of bones ". Proverbs 14:30.

From the above , it is apparent that stress must be recognised and treated with dispatch .
The causes , effects and treatment of stress is a vast topic .
Space allows me to state that whatever the cause and level of stress and fatigue; the first step in coping with stress and fatigue is to accept that; it makes for a calmer life if you realise that there are certain things , situations and persons which you can change and there are others which you cannot change .
In order to maintain a fulfilling , stress-free life , you would need to change what you put into your life , into your body and into mind .
Then and only after then , would you change how you feel , what you think and how you look .
You should be your own best friend by taking your life in your hands and making necessary amends.
You cannot run away from your demons. You have to confront them and deal with them.
If refuse to deal with them , sweep them under the carpet , go on a long holiday or on a drinking and drug-popping spree; when you return , they will be there waiting for you and they will welcome you with a warm smile!

The stress-sufferer must act or seek expert counselling to be relieved of stress.
To maintain equilibrium , one has to remove all stress-causers by self-help and by seeking spiritual , medical , financial and legal advice .
If you are your own problem-causer and your attitude has brought stress into your life; then personal life style changes are necessary .
The best way to identify your stress-inducing attitude and to realise the harm they are doing to you and people close to you ,is to ask your family and trusted friends to write you anonymous notes , detailing your bad points.
Trust me , they will tell you exactly what they think you are doing wrong!

To maintain the good changes you have made in your life, you would need the help and counsel of the Comforter, the Holy Spirit .
Stressful periods are when we enjoy the benefits of a life of prayer and faith in God.
Prayer, prevailing prayer is an infallible stress-burster.
Take the stress – inducing challenges to Him for direction and peace of mind.
This close relationship with the Holy Spirit should be maintained , not only in times of stress but after the end of it.
Failure to receive continuous spiritual help would lead to a return to stressful living.
Also ,during your recovering process, decide to love and pamper yourself back to a state of all – round good health.
If you don't do this for yourself, nobody would do it for you.
Say good and nice things to yourself, daily.
Keep away from stressed-up persons who have refused to deal with their stress.
Get involved and interact with profitable people.
Exercise regularly. Give yourself a treat.
Why? Because you deserve it!
Retail therapy, beauty treatment , sauna and full–body massage with warm aromatic oils do wonders to relieve stress and fatigue .
Most of all , know when to stop and take a break from your normal routine.
Occasionally, go for a well- deserved holiday.
Have a stress –free day and a stress-free life!

Happy New Year !